Tuesday, March 04, 2003
I have panic disorder with agoraphobia, hence the title Rainbow Chills. Rainbow for the gayness and for the beauty after the yucky times. Chills for those amazing moments when you feel infinite (from Stephen Chobsky's book Perks of Being a Wallflower which I love!) and for those moments when my panic makes me want to run screaming into a cave.
Oprah today was entitled People who are afraid of people. Very interesting. Jamie Blythe from the Bachelorette (not that I watched) was one of the guests. He has social phobia. I was very impressed with his use of so many terms I know. Words that are used in self help books and cognitive-behavioral therapy to help those of us who suffer and struggle with anxiety. Words like: positive self talk, countering negative thoughts, catastrophic thinking. I could identify with so much of what he said and although his method of staring down the anxiety is not one that I use, I felt that he was sincerely sharing his struggle with us. I could feel his pain and mine when he talked about panic and wanting to break down in tears so often.
I was, however, confused by the non-famous anxiety sufferer who Oprah interviewed. This woman has not had a hair cut in two years due to her social phobia yet she was very cool on the Oprah show. She seemed really calm and said she felt nearly no anxiety. I am not sure if her andrenaline was carrying her through but for me, adrenaline just kicks me in to fight or flight and I certainly am not calm.
Don't get me wrong, I have worked long and hard at kicking anxiety's butt (as Mandy Jane often says), and continue to do so. I am not saying people are not capable of getting better. But this gal seemed to be doing a 180 as to her anxiety. I hope some of the guys and gals at ENcourage can help me by sharing their reviews of the Oprah episode. I do not mean to be critical. I was just surprised by the calmness that this woman was able to exude while in a room with so many strangers, knowing she was on national television. I am on medication, off caffeine, practicing deep breathing, and using loads of coping techniques and though I think I could go on national tv, I know I would be more nervous than this gal was.
Anyhoo, the Gilmore Girls is a repeat tonight so Michelle is out renting a DVD and picking up Chinese food so I am off.
Until tomorrow...
Oprah today was entitled People who are afraid of people. Very interesting. Jamie Blythe from the Bachelorette (not that I watched) was one of the guests. He has social phobia. I was very impressed with his use of so many terms I know. Words that are used in self help books and cognitive-behavioral therapy to help those of us who suffer and struggle with anxiety. Words like: positive self talk, countering negative thoughts, catastrophic thinking. I could identify with so much of what he said and although his method of staring down the anxiety is not one that I use, I felt that he was sincerely sharing his struggle with us. I could feel his pain and mine when he talked about panic and wanting to break down in tears so often.
I was, however, confused by the non-famous anxiety sufferer who Oprah interviewed. This woman has not had a hair cut in two years due to her social phobia yet she was very cool on the Oprah show. She seemed really calm and said she felt nearly no anxiety. I am not sure if her andrenaline was carrying her through but for me, adrenaline just kicks me in to fight or flight and I certainly am not calm.
Don't get me wrong, I have worked long and hard at kicking anxiety's butt (as Mandy Jane often says), and continue to do so. I am not saying people are not capable of getting better. But this gal seemed to be doing a 180 as to her anxiety. I hope some of the guys and gals at ENcourage can help me by sharing their reviews of the Oprah episode. I do not mean to be critical. I was just surprised by the calmness that this woman was able to exude while in a room with so many strangers, knowing she was on national television. I am on medication, off caffeine, practicing deep breathing, and using loads of coping techniques and though I think I could go on national tv, I know I would be more nervous than this gal was.
Anyhoo, the Gilmore Girls is a repeat tonight so Michelle is out renting a DVD and picking up Chinese food so I am off.
Until tomorrow...
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