Thursday, October 09, 2003
Craziness
Hey folks,
Anxiety is somewhat managed after a dreadfully panicky weekend. Thursday, Friday, Sunday, and Monday all registered a significant number on the panic scale. Stayed home from work on Monday all together and took a half day on Friday. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I have spent time reading up on coping techniques this week as a refresher. I have not read about anxiety other than on the message board in nearly a year. Not good for maintaining some influence over the panic. I am realizing slowly but surely that this is a long term condition that is going to require a commitment to educating myself, knowing my body, and recognizing my needs. Sometimes I just feel as though it is too much work and just decide to stay in bed. That's what I did on Monday. I realize though that this is no way to live and will only throw me back into an agoraphobic spiral. I can not go through that again- afraid to leave the house, crying every day, spaced out from high doses of meds.
The Hoover blanket is complete. Just needs to be blocked and sent. Gifts from around the world have been received for a care package I am sending to the expectant mom and baby. I can not wait for the new mom to receive this package full of gifts and wishes. I'll write more after the gift has been received.
I did have a small issue with the Hoover pattern. Only under variation one does the pattern indicate that you must decrease half the stitches in the center block before knitting the last three inches. I made variation three. So I thought I was done the blanket only to find out that I had missed this little step so I had way too many stitches in the final three inches. Argh. My one complaint about Knitty is that their patterns are not printer friendly which I think is key for a web-only publication. I usually cut and paste the pattern into a word document which works pretty well but for some reason, I just missed this step. Oh well, after a little dip in the "frog" pond (rip-it), I was able to reknit those three inches.
Send your thoughts and prayers to Michelle if you have a chance. She has an appointment with the cardiologist tomorrow and was close to going to the ER several times this week. It is scary that we have both verbalized that it would not necessarily be bad news if the cardiologist admitted her to the hospital tomorrow because at least then she would get all the tests she needs and we would not be in this endless waiting game. It is so frustrating. Two months of losing sight and hearing, dizziness, chest pains, shortness of breath, and more is scary. Unfortunately, so many people go undiagnosed and get bounced around our managed care system. I do not think that waiting three weeks to see a cardiologist after seeing a neuro-opthamologist is reasonable. If your symptoms are serious enough to go to a doctor that specializes in anything relating to neurology, you need an appointment sooner than three weeks!
Keep your fingers crossed for us.
Anxiety is somewhat managed after a dreadfully panicky weekend. Thursday, Friday, Sunday, and Monday all registered a significant number on the panic scale. Stayed home from work on Monday all together and took a half day on Friday. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I have spent time reading up on coping techniques this week as a refresher. I have not read about anxiety other than on the message board in nearly a year. Not good for maintaining some influence over the panic. I am realizing slowly but surely that this is a long term condition that is going to require a commitment to educating myself, knowing my body, and recognizing my needs. Sometimes I just feel as though it is too much work and just decide to stay in bed. That's what I did on Monday. I realize though that this is no way to live and will only throw me back into an agoraphobic spiral. I can not go through that again- afraid to leave the house, crying every day, spaced out from high doses of meds.
The Hoover blanket is complete. Just needs to be blocked and sent. Gifts from around the world have been received for a care package I am sending to the expectant mom and baby. I can not wait for the new mom to receive this package full of gifts and wishes. I'll write more after the gift has been received.
I did have a small issue with the Hoover pattern. Only under variation one does the pattern indicate that you must decrease half the stitches in the center block before knitting the last three inches. I made variation three. So I thought I was done the blanket only to find out that I had missed this little step so I had way too many stitches in the final three inches. Argh. My one complaint about Knitty is that their patterns are not printer friendly which I think is key for a web-only publication. I usually cut and paste the pattern into a word document which works pretty well but for some reason, I just missed this step. Oh well, after a little dip in the "frog" pond (rip-it), I was able to reknit those three inches.
Send your thoughts and prayers to Michelle if you have a chance. She has an appointment with the cardiologist tomorrow and was close to going to the ER several times this week. It is scary that we have both verbalized that it would not necessarily be bad news if the cardiologist admitted her to the hospital tomorrow because at least then she would get all the tests she needs and we would not be in this endless waiting game. It is so frustrating. Two months of losing sight and hearing, dizziness, chest pains, shortness of breath, and more is scary. Unfortunately, so many people go undiagnosed and get bounced around our managed care system. I do not think that waiting three weeks to see a cardiologist after seeing a neuro-opthamologist is reasonable. If your symptoms are serious enough to go to a doctor that specializes in anything relating to neurology, you need an appointment sooner than three weeks!
Keep your fingers crossed for us.
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